Below are the minutes recorded from this week’s past meeting. In attempts to preserve the historical accuracy of Josh’s account, I have directly transposed, word for word, his notes. I have only censored a certain individuals name out of respect for them:

“FEBRUARY 5^th 2014 BATES OUTING CLUB MEETING MINUTES

1. ALEX WEISSMAN ASSUMES PRESIDENTIAL RESPONSIBILITIES U IN ALLIE BALTER’S ABSENCE

è JOSH ASSUMES SECRETARY’S CHAIR IN BRYAN LEHRER’S ABSENCE

è COLLIN A MCCULLOUGH HANDS OUT GIFT BOXES TO FIRST YEAR BOC STUDENTS WRAPPED IN TOY STORY PAPER.

è JOSH AND ALEX SNICKER

è JULIA SAVAGE: MYSTERIOUS EVENT HAPPENING NEXT WEEK BRING A LIGHTER, CHECK YOUR EMAIL, NO MORE DEETS CAN BE SHARED DUE TO SAFETY CONCERNS AND FOR REASONS OF SECRECY…..  SATAN*BLEEEP* WOULD NOT ALLOW US SHOULD SHE FIND OUT

è JOHN: SNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! WAS WET THIS MORNING, HIGH MOISTURE CONTENT, BUT IS WICKED BLOWER (JOHN DEALS BLOW I GUESS)

è COLLIN: NO ONE WAS REPRIMANDED FOR DRINKING AT THE WALL… DON’T FEAR!

è TRIPS

o   KRISTEN: GONE CLIMBING TO GRAFTON NOTCH, YOU CANT COME BUT YOU SHOULD NEXT TIME. LEARNED A LOT AT THE ICE FEST, SAW A HUGE ICE CHUNK FALL AND ALMOST HIT JORDAN CARGILL, DRANK $130 WORTH OF BOC-SUBSIDIZED BEER

o   SAVAGE: MAYBE GOING TO SLOAF 8-4!

o   JOSH: SUNDAY RIVER WITH GRETCHEN KAIJA

è GEAR

o   76 BONERS FOR FAMILY LIFE STAW CAN FILTER 3000 LITESR OF WATER, .45 MICRONS SOMETHING OR OTHER, GEEARDEA AINT GOING THRU THIS SHIT.

o   VOTE: 18 – 3 NOW WE MUST SUPPORT THE AMAZON MEGA GIANT CORPORATION MACHINE

o   DO WE NEED MORE SKI BOOTS? CONVERSATION ENSUED ABOUT OUT SKI GEAR STOCK BROUGHT UP BY 1. MISTER MOSKOVITZ, FORMER EROOM WORKER. IN HIS NEGLECT TO HIS POSITION AS EROOM WORKER, HE MISSED OUT ON THE FACT THAT EUAN AND JULIA SPENT 900 GOOSE EGGS ON SKI GEAR AND BOOTS ALREADY- GET WID IT 1. MISTER MOSKOVITZ!!

o   SLEEPING BAG  0 DEGREE FOR TALL MEN AND WOMEN UP TO SIX FEET PASSED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!

TSTORY TIME ANNE CARROLL AND JULIA SAVAGE RAN INTO EACH OTHER AT JACKSON HOLE WAH WAHHHHH SO COOL

TANNER AND COLLIN WERE SKIING AT SUNDAY RIVER A FEW YEARS BACK (OLD TIMERS) TANNER CONVINCED COLLIN TO GO ON THIS RUN BEHIND THE SMOKE SHACK IN THE WOODS AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN THERE WAS THIS HUGE CLIFF, NO SNOW, COLLIN HUMPED HIS WAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN, R FELL BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY FUCKING STEEP AND HE FELL IN A RIVER (STREAM) BUT TANNER DIDN’T REMEMBER THE STORY SO COLLIN PROBABLY MADE IT UP.

FIRST YEAR GIFT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE GOT SPECIAL DRINKS!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYYAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY COLLIN TOLD BACK STORY AND STOLE THE PRIDE FROM ALEX AND BRYAN “

-I would like to end the minutes with a brief thought. What kind of person shamelessly steals a gift that is not their’s, gives it (and its malicious contents) to unsuspecting and innocent recipients, and then laughs about it, amost as if what they’ve just done is something to be proud of? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury–that person sadly is among of ranks in the court (BOC) as we speak. He also has awful taste in Nordic skiing bandanas and lies about his stories. Collin A McCullough, shame on you.  

-If I had been at the meeting, my notes would have included this song.