Hey holmies,

Music that somehow makes you feel cool. I think it has to do with steel guitar.

Here’s your Thursday briefing

Squasha greets people more cheerily than usual. She sincerely hopes you all had good breaks.

Interspersed are responses to the call of the roll: “First thing Donald Trump will do if elected?”

Announcements

Shannon “knows where to look for outdoorsy badasses who are good with kids” Daileader is here! She is with Wilderness Ventures, which is an organization that leads trips. WildVent needs warm bodies, preferably outdoorsy ones with leadership skills. Who needs a job? This guy. And all seniors. Outta Jackson, WY, the sexiest little cowboy town that side of the Mississippi. Eyes out for emails like the one Squish sent out.

Shannon confided that our outing club looks like fun. That’s because we are fun.

Give his hair to locks for love.

Anna gives Jake a package … hmmmm this is strange, people don’t generally exchange pa—– omg! there’s something cold, Russian, and Raspberry Burst® flavored inside. Whatever it may have been, it takes the average amount of time to do with it what you generally do with things of it’s kind. That’s pretty funny. Nice work Anna.

Squash – Friday night, 6:00, BOC 100th anniversary dinner. All are welcome. Commons 221. Hang out with probably Judy and other awesome alums who were getting nekkid on mountains and flipping hammers and beers in the Eroom long before you were born.

Buy a fancy toupée

In the interest of fairness, here are a list of BOCers that you can choose to buy a pass from:

Dana Cohen-Kaplan

Now some messages from your favorite Merrills. They seem a little pissed.

George  – some among us are lazy slobs. He has received multiple passive-aggressive/aggressive emails from grown-ups concerning stinking messes left outside the E-room.  Den angry about “health issues or whatever”. Very simple solution. DON’T LEAVE SHIT OUTSIDE THE EROOM. There are now some nice passive-aggressive/aggressive notices to remind you NOT TO LEAVE YOUR SHIT OUTSIDE THE EROOM.

Thorn – Not okay to return stuff after hours, wait till they’re open. MWF 4-5 in case you forgot.

Also George Merrill, Jordan Cargill, and James Pardo are selling ski passes.

Roast a fattie with some illegal immigrants

Thank you Merrills. Your frustration was not groundless.

Jordan is out of free shit. You can stop kissing ass and hanging out with him now. Campus challenge is over! Sasha and Audrey won Osprey backpacks, 27^th place – no solid mahogany Bobcat, BUT we won a Mark Bellhorn bobblehead, so that counts for something. 150 people participated, pretty good, we can do better next year! In fact, Jordan has put off working next year to stick around and be a full time Outdoor Nation Rep at Bates! Thanks Jordan!

The funniest musician I know. Also more steel guitar.

Decide to resign

Maddie (Maddie?) – Ladies night at the wall Thursday night! No dudes. Sorry fellas, but you gotta tuck your patriarchy in just for an hour or two.  Costumes are mandatory! (Not really, but that would be funny). Look for an email from a girl about climbing.

Daly – Sweatshirts! Wooooo SWAG SWAG SWAG! Form-concealing for swugs –> swugswag. 30$, last day to buy is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving break. should be here after Thanksgiving. You’re gonna like the way you look, I gaurantee it. *Men’s Warehouse Spokesman smoky low sexy voice* George drew a cool design, see Daly’s email for ditayls.

Trips

Margaret – Friday night, going to the Rollodrome (not rollerdome, get it right kids, this is important). 1 spot in the car. It’s for Nacho. Which is me (weird collision of my cultish inclinations on campus). Word. Thanks Margaret! See Mom? I do dating. Is she Jewish? I don’t know Mom. Yeah, she seems nice. K see you at Thanksgiving. Ye- … no, I’ve been eating plenty. Yes, I love you too.

Carve himself into Rushmore

Noel – Telluride Mtn film festival tomorrow night, there was an email, 2 spots in the car.  Talk to Noel if you’re looking to get inspired and feel inadequately outdoorsy. Should be epic.

Sam – Surfing Fri afternoon at Higgins beach, swells residual from Hurricane Quiche Lorraine. Hit him up if you’re looking to shred and were curiously as to just how small your nipples can get. srickeri@bates.edu.

Callum “enunciates likes a boss” Douglass – going to Shagg 9:30 – 2:30 Friday. He said this in an extremely factual way. Every word was carefully chosen.

Squash – walking around Thorncrag Friday at 4, sounds overwhelmingly pleasant. Good way to squeeze in some wholesomeness points before the shameful things you will do this weekend.

21 gun salute to himself

Shannon – going to Vietnam, Denali, Aconcagua, Donetsk, the Matterhorn, Tehran, space,  and a BUTT-TON OF OTHER DOPE PLACES. I see what she did there. Effective plug for Wilderness Ventures.

Stories

George “steel mustache” Fiske – Dry year in Ontario backcountry –> no fires allowed. Needed gas stove Wannigans (canoe storage apparatus) full of food –> lighter fluid in food containers for volume reduction. Granola “tastes like green gas” said southern kid in southern accent. Probably a stupid person, because that’s how that works, but everything actually tastes like gas. All the breakfast food was in the wannigan, gorp also tasted like gas, all food was compromised, trip was compromised, 2 meals soaked in lighter fluid. Some was consumed before tossed. George now has a super power, can speak to gasoline-soaked granola. Get this man a patch. George – George patch connection.

Dani and Josh Klein road tripped from CA to VT, first night traveled up the coast of CA. Looking to stealth-cowboy camp, pulled of at a random beach. Set up campsite, made dinner. Dog walker came by, was appreciative of what was clearly a hobo date. “What a romantic night”, Klein’s didn’t quite know what to say, super awkward. Josh earns a patch. Patch heating up.

Go on vacation to his own resort

Jacob drove down to Somersville, WV. Met an actual brother and sister couple. Cliff-jumping in a gorge, he and friends went for the 65 footer (SEND IT BRUH), each one of them ripped trunks down the back, swam completely naked to the far bank tied trunks together and then something happened.  Look for an email. Patch fire. Balls back, 2 cups.

George and Ethan – Will Cleaves’ AESOPers, George and Ethan shit on Cleaves the entire trip (can confirm), 5 mi left on the last day, when Cleaves went to go relieve himself, George and Ethan put a bunch of rocks in his bag, hiked for a few miles before he checked his back.  He was very pissed. Everyone pictures Cleaves very pissed in the woods. Patchfest.

Sarah – Also on AESOP (what a fantastic institution!), day at popham, leaders planted pineapple along the way (good form), woman walking by, saw pineapple unearthed, shocked and  ran to tell her family. There is a family in Maine that is convinced pineapples grow on the beach. She may be kinda stupid. Patch maybe. Patchapalooza.

Find out he was born in Mexico

Kurt got wicked sick in bunkbeds on a trip somewhere, hardly slept because barfing and pooping, woke up in the morning, pants stuck to himself…he shit himself. Didn’t go to training, hopped in the van, threw out undies, and went home. Other kids made fun of the kid whose bed Kurt shat in, because apparently he was an easy target already. Kurt is an accidental poop bully. “haha kurt shit in your bed”. Kurt is a poop-champ again. Poop patch for poop Kurt. Poop patch party.

Dan – Stray cat, gave it a collar. Peanut gallery – “you had a collar?” Dan – I bought a collar. Put it on a leash, found out why no one sees cats on leashes. Put on the steps of JB, ran away. People have maybe seen it. Maybe patch. Patch uncertainty.

Jacob has enough confidence to tell a story! Fuck yeah dude. Story goes back to middle school, private school, whole different story n shit, camping trip to do some  getting ready for bed, went into the tiny port-a-loo to change, set jeans to the side to put on undies, jeans fell into port-o-potty, told mom at home she went ewwwwww, that’s about it. Good shit. Patchstravaganza.

Hate on women

Tess – road trip, coast of Oregon. looking random places to pitch tents. Explored for 30min, car had been broken into. Southern Oregon is wicked sketchy. Not really, actually like the nicest place ever. took phone charger, toiletries, 1 wallet. Nothing else. Freshmen burglars. Had to cancel credit card though. Had no service, drove for a while, finally got to small town, mayo packets from subway to make sandwiches, they were disgusting, ask for lettuce, Subway says sure, tuna lettuce mayo, no bread. Subway samaritans gave six free sandwiches to the homeless-looking people. Who says there’s no such thing as a free lunch? Dignity is a social construct. Patch within a patch. Patchception.

Cool, donezo. Happy ridiculously nice weather. Like, New England, you’re drunk, but you’re still fun to hang out with so stick around.

Love,

Keyser Soze

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