Hey all you cool boots and cats,

I have no good reason for these being 4 days late. 

Minutes comin in hot.

Common’s Crush’s Strongest/weakest Feature

Nice work butt flapps – dis 4 u

Squishy welcomes all.

A noun’s mints

Daly – Ay you bums buy these cool sweatshirts! They are pretty swaggety, check out Daly’s last email for fòtos.

Good style/very weird person

Noel – Noodz plz. For science. The BOC tasteful nood calendar is a long standing tradition and will make an excellent yuletide gift! Impress your elderly and ultra-religious relatives with your relative modesty (it gets waaaay worse grandma).

Adam – Speaker discussed a few weeks ago –> got lots of $$, support from other groups on campus, gonna happen, seems pretty dope and also quite important. Adam thanks us for our votes, we thank him for his initiative. Also his cheery disposition and good hair.

Class year/jawline

Trips

Ben Pratt – Beginners climbing trip to somewhere, see email. Always a good time. Anyone see the Bates insta at the climbing wall? It was good.

Squasha – Bigelows next weekend! Overnight, brisk and beautiful. Not this weekend, but Squash is so excited she could not contain herself. Look for an email.

Has never spilled food/uses tray

Emma – Biking at Sugarloaf. Men allowed. We did it guys. We overcame. Van maybskis? Email definitely/already.

Gear

Ben Pratt – Gonna fix the climbing wall crack, make it climbable and less jagged and metallic. 10,000 cents. Magnanimous act passed unanimously without animosity. Even non-council members voted in favor. It was cute. Yay Ben.

Story

Ben Pardee

Eli – Zach’s birthday, decided to celebrate with a midnight yog. The decision was made that no clothing should be worn. Like Sam Adams, always a good decision. Got heckled/cat-called a couple times (“mmmm, dat ass”). Kinda rainy but not unpleasant. Two seconds after they stopped and the last fly was zipped up, security rolled up. No dicks to see here officer *innocent whistling*. Patchification.

 

Catherine – forced to sign up for Outward Bound, as a parting gift, she received a “she-wee” … very special funnel shapped device that “makes a girl pee like a boy”. Had to wear ridiculous orange ring suit things for outdoor something, very complicated to take off. Day one, mad thunder n lightning, sitting on packs for hours –> Catherine did what had to be done and broke out the she-wee. Malfunctions (you have to take the wrapper off, Catherine), floods, everything is soaked in pee including 1 of 2 pair of shorts. Was henceforth called pee-shorts.

Teddy and Sheldon, Sunday River this weekend, not fantastic conditions BUT interesting folks. Dog in the lodge, “sweet, I get to play with dogs today”. Someone is watching…he freezes when eye contact. Deborah was there for Steve’s Bloody Marys, not skiing. Duh.  Awww yeah steve. Who’s Steve? No idea. Who was that woman talking to you? Deborah. Oh.

Athletic/never seen more than once

soundtrack refresher

Throwback to AESOP leadership trip, Pardo in the Bigelows, awesome campground with excellent privy system. Waiting around for dinner to be cooked (you lazy bum). Caretaker – “if you wanna help me shovel poop…” Pardo and Britta lock eyes –> “yes”. She opened the doors to the poop buckets “put things in places he didn’t wanna put them”. WTF does that mean? Pardo shoveled poop, got to keep poop suit. Most rewarding poop suit ever. Poop-champ James “mosquito bite on penis poop” Pardo.

only eats soup/always loses pepper flips

Emmet and Maddy, coleaders, lead a trip at a location. Told to keep an eye out for nudist yoga instructor. Word. Sho ’nuff, large, white-bearded man wearing nothing but his beard and flippers, at campsite. Emmet didn’t wanna camp there but Maddy convinced him. Emmet is scared of nudist yogis.

“Hey how’s it going?

Been here since Wednesday.

Yeah, you saw our friends!

Ahhh yes. Bruno.

Yeah, Bruno and Amy!

Yes. Bruno.

We’re gonna camp over there.

I’ve come here for ten years, there is no other campsite.

There was a campsite. He is founder of all male, nudist yoga club. His name is Bobby. What a dude. Yes.

good voice/wet hands

Sarah – Happened when she was six, backroads trip with 4 other random families, night when kids and parents split up. Truth or dare and swear word lessons (I made that up but probably). Went canyoneering. 10 other kids, two older sisters. Jumping off cliffs into canyon river. Leader Kevin was like guys total do it! Sarah didn’t wanna. Kevin- Sarah, you should do it! If you do I’ll jump into that nasty pond. She did, he did. Nasty black tarry shit and slime all over him. Totally worth it. Patch to the face.

Ben Pratt – Weird encounters with nudists 2.0. Portland has a nude beach. Nice family location. Senior skip day, spent on the nude beach. Hung out naked all day. You should try it, very freeing. (Honey…) A guy strumming a guitar, ~50 year old man, sombrero, ass-naked, asks to chill. Sure. Sits down, pulls out a bunch of hash and offers it up, “one of my friends” (glance in the direction of another Portlander in the room and giggles …”anyways, I good time was had by all”. Naked man -” Look me up downtown”. He is a very prominent environmental lawyer. Dude clearly has figured it all figured out.

height and musculature/is a douchebag

Koby – Nudist beach in NorCal, Mickeys beach, popular naked bouldering. Noice. ‘And now for something completely different. Jordan, Thorn and Koby, free campsite, very minimal but very adequate. Got in Sunday night. 3 people in a 12 person tent (“Taj Mahal”). Went climbing. Came back to aggressive business card from Dan the ranger. “3 nights per year per person, obnoxious tent, you dicks” – Ranger Dan. He was pretty pissed. Left it there because park ranger wasn’t gonna do anything. He didn’t. So they did it again the next day.  Woke up to “STATE TROOPER GET OUTTA THE TENT” Naked Koby – “Sorry ranger Dan”. “Where are your IDs?” “Our IDs are super far away in the car.” “Go get ’em” “just kidding, right here.” Given a ticket. $25 glorified parking ticket for the week. 20$/night at the campsite down the road. Suckers.

Emily – This summer, went backpacking in NM, special food. Sunrise summit, went to an LNT camp relatively high up. started hailing really bad. Had to stop at the nearest camp. Outta the good packed food, all out of vegetarian food. Oatmeal, peanut butter refried beans from the other group. Decided to combine them. Again, always a good decision.Took cover in the redroof (shitter) because they were lazy. Not supposed to pee in the redroof, someone peed in the redroof. Smelt awful. Ate refried beans, oatmeal and pb in very smelly redroof. Anyone else hungry?

a fairy/an evil fairy

yup

See y’all at t’pain.

Love,

George Washington Hayduke