Good evening my dearest romanesco broccoli (yes, I punched in “fractal broccoli to find it. because that’s what it is.),

I don’t care if you’ve seen this already. Watch it again because he’s just that adorable.

BOC Tonight

Squasha, back from her stint sitting on a hay bale in front of Commons during parents weekend, greets all heartily.

Thy holy roll call sheet has been resurrected! The prompt was “What will be the first thing Bernie does if elected?”. Favorite answers as chosen by yours truly will be interspersed throughout these minutos (minutes) in italics. Stay tuned for “what will be the first thing Donald Trump does if elected?” next week, because we’re all active societal participants here, Right? Right.

Shotgun a gallon of maple syrup

Announcements

Pardo got trekkers! They’re probably awesome. Good addition to our gear stocks Pardo. We thank you.

Audrey and Emmet, who have been working tirelessly to get Batesies higher into the troposphere need more peaks weekend folks! They got some. Woo! Sign-ups have gone out!

Tasteful nude in the oval office

Peaks Weekened: noun The annual weekend during which the BOC exhorts Batesies to summit as many mountains as possible.

Editorial:This has historically been a pretty big deal, and really is a good excuse to hike! Whether or not it’s a BOC trip, y’all are encourage to summit sumshit. I hear enough “yeah I’ve been really meaning to start doing some outing club stuff”. Start this weekend.

Bern one for the homies

Another editorial: Don’t be shitty and bail on a hike you’ve already committed to at 7:48am on Saturday morning. Bailing is rampant and conveys weakness of character, resolve, and lust for adventure. You will be glad you didn’t about 95% of the time. 4Srsly.

Climbing comp says Koby and Maddy!

– Happening on the 30th.

– No Colby or Bowdoin, jus’ the Bates.

– Halloween themed! Dress up! Barbeque!

– Prizes will be awarded not just for the people who climb a lot (aka the 12-14 upperclassmen dudes who like to take their shirts off and says things like “beta” and “tronsite” and “chalkbag”) but also for dope costumes, effort, and general steez. Watch out for an email.

Milk a goat

Noel brings joyous tidings of the 2015 BOC Tasteful Nude calendar just in time for gift-giving season! (I was so hoping this would happen. Noel, I hope you have a lot of free storage on your gmail account)

– All are encouraged  to take “tasteful” nudes, which translated roughly to no boobs, penises, or vaginas (but a lil’ ass never hurt nobody)

– Thanksgiving break at latest for entries, calendar in time for the holidays

– “send me all your naked pics” says Noel. This qualifies as consent for a wide variety of image exchange

– A rolling-rock-framed tasteful photo of me is circulated. This was the best secret satan gift I’ve ever gotten. Thank you Alex “can certainly keep the duplicates ;)” Moskovitz

First song (0:00 till ~7:00) is the best

Jordan “There was an Eno hammock and a Petzl beenie in the toilet in Carnegie after he used it” Cargill with the campus challenge update – Ken Spaulding (alum, class of 1893 (just kidding Ken you’re a badass), Thorn, Beanie, last weeks winners. They got Coleman tents WHICH ARE PERFECTLY FINE. Callum won too but he declined the prize after trying and failing to swap it out for a port-a-ledge.

Start a support group for victims of the bern.

Also, Reel Rock!

– This Friday at 7 on the Olin mainstage for an hour and a half

– Probably more shirtless dudes saying things like “multipitch”, “V8 splash” and “shoes”

– Probably more free stuff if Jordan’s bowel are so moved.

Also climbing trip this Saturday!

– Lots of interest, trip filled within 10 minutes!

– Probably made up of people looking to cop a harness or a nalgene when Jordan happens to let one rip in the van

Solar panels on the whitehouse

Sunday River is opening this week!

– That’s absurd. Winter is coming.

– PSA for freshkinz, grab jackets if you’re going home this break and say goodbye to daylight, shorts, leaves and grass before you leave campus.

– Buy from Euan! Says Pardo. Pardo is clearly trying to get on Euan’s good side after he employed the phrase “pulling a Euan” in an email. Hi Euan! I know you’re still on the listserv because you told us you were still on the listserv.

– Also George, Jordan Pardo and Thorn (“not Thorn!” – George (that’s adorable)) for season passes.

Trips

Alex is going mountain biking Friday. Look out for an email. This man has been known to go ham (sausage?) on the tasteful nudes, and we all know how awesome mountain biking nudes can be

Jamo – Wednesday of fall break, up to Bigelows, high peaks, 10+ mi day. Should be dope!

Editorial: Bigelows and Jamo are my personal favorites of their kind.

Change the White House area code to 802

Gear

No gear.

Stories

Noel had a geogasm (real thing, can confirm, extremely inconvenient when conducting fieldwork) at Katahdin this weekend. In a large boulder, there were two potholes, one lower than the other. Water was frozen in them. “Mmmmmmm!” – Pardo having a geogasm. When the wind gusted, water flowed upwards from one hole to the other because wind. PSA for humanities majors: Water does not usually flow uphill.

Take a nap

Pardo was running up to the summit at Katahdin, saw a Bates sandwich in the path. Seemed a bit miffed and accused President Squash of poor LNT among group-members. “Are you sure it was a Bates sandwich?” “Yes, thin-sliced turkey and lettuce on whole wheat in saran wrap.” Unanimous tacit consensus among meeting attendees that this was indeed a Bates sandwich. Squash seems to be at a loss for words. All good because Pardo picked it up.

Save the world

Squash, after recovering from her first presidential scandal (sandwichgate), Katahdin, just gotten up to Chimney pond where it was relatively calm. As soon as ridge was crested, took an hour to go a mile after getting into the fog, intense wind, and cold. Had to stop every .2 miles. Met a man who seems unprepared yet was chillin’. Said he had to post this on the facebooks ASAP. Sasha was unimpressed. Can you believe that some people crave the validation of a “like” that much?! Yes. Absolutely. Summitted! Woo!

I hope that man pegs his self-worth to the mountains he summits before he pegs it to his notifications. Unfortunately, I am not hopeful.

Just closed out the library for your fractal broccoli asses. On the bike-ride home, Orion was up in the East. Orion is like a cool person who’s always with this friend who’s alright for a little bit but then hangs out all through March and April and starts telling mediocre stories over again. Whatever.

Maddie – a bear got into Bozeman High School. Made national news, galloping around main hallways during a schoolday. Her mom was kinda stoked. No casualties except for the movement of Montanans trying to convince the rest of the country they have real cities and stuff out there. “Bullshit” – the bear.

My trip, after not summitting, took an extremely pleasant stroll around a pond with a dope view of the whole mountain, saw a moose, a bear, and two deer. We felt better about not summitting after this. Also 8:7 boxes of Annies to people ratio helped.

Free tattoos of Hilary Clinton

Donezo.

Go to bed Dana. Okay Dana.

listen to all of this always and forever

I love you all,

Your friendly neighborhood secretary