The Earth is a scorched wasteland. 782 zillion years of darkness pass. All that remains of humankind are traces of outdoorsy DNA left in the glassed soil of the library quad. Finally, the second coming occurred. A flash was seen in the sky, something descending from the atmosphere. A spacecraft shaped like a three year old boy touches down. A hatch opens from the seat of his pants. Kssshhhhhhhh — steam erupts from the hatch. Slowly, a tall figure silhouetted by angelic light appears. Emerging from the toddler-like spacecraft, the figure’s identity becomes apparent. It is he. Our Lord and Saviour. The divine features –broad shoulders, shining silver back, prominent forehead– of Harambe are now plain to see.

The single-celled BOCers are in absolute, triumphant awe. Standing before them is the only being in the universe who can return order to their decimated world. The Lord then called upon his divine angels, who appear to us as a cross between a male toddler and a chimpanzee, to amalgamate the cells of the long dead BOCers into beings of his form. The winged chimpkids worked efficiently. Soon a band of crunchy gorillas stood before him. ‘What can we humble gorillas do to please you, O great Lord?’

‘Thou shall meet!’

Meeting was called to order at 6:34

We did names! Nathan D Plock finally found it worthwhile to actually get to know everyone.

IT WAS NOEL’S BDAY two (one?) days ago. We sang. Yes.

Announcements:

— Kilometers: We need unpaid laborers to do back breaking work in the E Room. Just kidding, e room work is super fun. Come as much as you can and help check out gear. Great way to get to know people, have fun, play stump, and learn rad skills. 4-5 Monday Wednesday Friday. “I swear it’s not a sweat shop” -Kilometers. “If you come a lot of times it’s a work trip” -Soccer.

— Judy!!!!!! (Judy’s an awesome alum). Friday the 11th at 6:30, homecoming meeting. BOC will be 100 in 2020! Come plan!

— Me: there is large wood at frye street. Take it, cut it, win. Also patagucci is 50% off rn. Buy stuff.

— Noel: Next week’s meeting is advance. It’s at the lean-to and it’s the dog’s pajamas. It’s the perfect place to tell your story to become a council member or to just share how dope you are. Because you’re dope. We’re all dope. That’s why we’re here. Also potential work trip right before, at the lean to.

— ethan SIMON: Katahdin is a great place to get stories for the legend (a kind-of-yearly compilation of outdoors stories from BOC members (that means you)). Send stories to esimon@bates.edu

— G-FISK: You can now check out a green eco reps bike from the library! Wow!

— Tess: if you got dem re-seats gimme dem after duh meetin.

— NATHAN D PLOCK, ESQ: LL Bean is gonna park they bean boot whip outside ‘monz. Spread the good word of our lord the beansus. Starting at? 11-4????

– Get van certified. Look for an email. It’s great. So great. The best. Win.

– October trip form is not dope. More trips. Put them out there. If you post it they

will come.

— Auj: Katahdin Friday is leaving at 4, Saturday leaving at 1. It’s important to be committed to your trip. Don’t not send it.

Then the Lord departed. He had shit to do. He flew off in his toddlership. While on the ground, the toddlership appears to be sitting. As it takes off it extends its legs and arms backwards, to create the most streamlined form possible. So the gorillas were taught to construct their own craft, and so they did, and were able to go on trips.

TRIPS

— Fosia: Oct 9! Trail maintenance. Guaranteed blazing. In nature. So much blazing. All the way.

— zoccer sach: Come to Nova Scotia over oct break. Surf, hike, live, breathe, die. Food will be free!

— Auj: I think ima hit the island in the scog friday or saturday night. It’s gonna be rad. Everyone come, party island. Like in Greece or some shit.

— NATHAN D PLock: Surfing tomorrow and friday still has space. Staying and shredding, winning at life. Friday trip comes back at 6:37. Thanks Nathan.

Gear

— Koby’s rope, around $200. Passes

— Eli’s $Fifteen dollar surfboard fin. Passes

— Me’s Four boogie boards 160$. Passes.

— Sick 96 Polaris jet ski for triple overhead pull-ins at Higgs. $1000. Doesn’t pass. Bummer.

Stories

— Anna: “Today I went to a cornfield with my friends. We took off our clothes and took a picture.” Anna becomes a council member!!!

— Glasgow: Summited mount hangdong in Utah. Flashed some Mormon high schoolers. They asked if he would like to talk about their lord and savior. Scampered off. Matt’s a council member now!

— Andy: Sent out so many surfing trip emails. Only one ‘maybe’ responded. Jin, his aesoper, went full turncloak jon snow style and signed up for Eli’s trip instead. Hah.

— Kilometers: I’m a fucking cheapskate so I bought used trail runners. I’m so smart blah blah. Bought some more on ebay stolen from a Chinese factory. Got put on a communist watch list. Chinese hit squad is waiting for him at the package center, pretending to be the package center workers. Kilometers is not fooled. He puts on some of those glasses with a nose and mustache. Fools the socialist commy reds. Retrieves package. It’s actually a brick of weed. He does three whole marijuanas in the EMS car. (not actually).

— FOS NNOUNCEMENTS R OVER: fall eco service day is october 16. MT D trail work. Also a full moon. Celly??

— Mitch: Shredding, no, destroying Jackson Hole. So deep. Gets caught in an ‘lanche. Dan freaks out. Mitch stays calm. “Holy shit” -NAthan. MITCH IS A COIUNCIL MEMBER OMG WOOOOO>

— P-at: Leading Saddleback too. Killer all round. Runs out of teepee 2nd day in.  haha. Ends up wiping w/ tortillas. Hot. came in especially useful later on for dessert. “It was remarkably satisfying.”

— Chris: highlining the d. Highline snaps. Falls to his death. Comes back to life just to tell us this story. Thanks chris.

At the close of the seventh day, the gorillas were left feeling a lack of direction. What were they to do without His guidance? The gorilla once known as Maddy spoke to the gorillas. ‘I got a text from Harambe. You all must follow me to Mount David.’ The wayfarers made their way to the sacred mountain. Maddy bade the gorillas chill at the base. She alone could ascend the hill to receive the word of her Master. So she did, and reached the summit quickly due to the small size of Mount David. Only there was the AT&T coverage good enough for Maddy to receive the Ten Texts from Harambe.